im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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