I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
