i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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