definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
