Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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