i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
