one two three fourrrrnication!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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