is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
