the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
