even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
