Moan for me like Helen Keller
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
