were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
