I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
