Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
