Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize