dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I want a musical about memes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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