dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
