So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
