my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
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When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
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She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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