the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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