I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You dont lie about slip and slides
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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