There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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