i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
mondays should just be called national damage control day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
