I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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