I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
