The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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