you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's never too late to be topless.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
