How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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