Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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