either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
