she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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