hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
