A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
