Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
