Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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