i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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