And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
