No stitches, just platelets and will power
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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