omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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