dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
