Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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