i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Who wears a wallet chain?!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
