dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
