I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
