Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
