You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
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she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
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Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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