We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
