Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
