So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
