college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
