she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize