I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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