I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hippo gnu deer
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
