1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
