It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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