im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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