They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
