I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
